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Feed Bounties Curated

Mark

Just About

Poll

ago

How would you handle a disagreement online?

Hit the respect reaction and walk away30%

Fight fire with fire20%

Listen, and try to understand20%

Something else (share in comments)30%

10 votes

•

Dealing with conflict

Community

Spend some time chatting online and disagreements become an inevitability.

Comments get lost in translation, alternate values or life experiences can become apparent and before you know it, CAPS LOCK has been engaged. Uh-oh. 🙄

At Just About, we want you to have a meaningful conversation without descending into a fully-fledged feud. A recent study found that lots of people actually want to discuss difficult topics, but the platforms don’t offer the right environment.

We have our own ideas about how to achieve this: options to help you de-escalate, rewarding members for having healthy debates, and empowering moderators.

But tell us what you think: is this something you want? What’s the best way to deal with conflict? And which communities (if any) do this well?

Created at 8:51am, 4th July, 2023. Page last updated at 2:43pm, 16th May, 2024.

LukewarmGravity 7/4/2023, 9:09:12 AM

Depends on the situation really and the person that you're potentially arguing with.

Sometimes it's better hitting the block button and saving yourself the hassle but then sometimes it's super therapeutic to be petty AF and poke the bear.

...not that I would ever do that...

MrTomFTW 7/4/2023, 9:12:37 AM

I'd love to be able to select "Listen, and try to understand" but honestly a lot of the time in arguments these days you have to try and figure out if the other person is arguing in bad faith. Concern trolling, sea-lioning, being a lil crypto-fash (not cryptocurrency, the other meaning of the word haha) or anything like that.

Certainly in the spaces I control these days, I do a quick vibe check and boot them if they fail it. Who has time?

Mark 7/4/2023, 9:55:47 AM

Depends on the situation really and the person that you’re potentially arguing with.

if the other person is arguing in bad faith

What do you find is the best way to detect someone acting in bad faith?

LukewarmGravity 7/4/2023, 11:28:59 AM

Mark

I tend to find that the bad faith is the Limp Bizkit cover.

...I'll see myself out.

Craig 7/4/2023, 11:35:14 AM

LukewarmGravity

We're about to have our first disagreement in this disagreement thread.

Craig 7/4/2023, 11:33:36 AM

Mark

For me it's their post history. If they're only ever online to grief then they aren't really looking for healthy debate, they just want to call your Mum a slur and put the screenshot in their "EPIC OWNZ" folder.

MrTomFTW 7/4/2023, 4:10:57 PM

Mark

What do you find is the best way to detect someone acting in bad faith?

Well that's the thing, it's a tough one. And your use of the word "detect" does suggest you're looking for a way to algorithmically detect it or something. But the very nature of bad faith arguments means they're trying to hide the true nature of their stance so it's tough if not impossible.

Like the most overt and obvious examples being racists hiding behind "economic anxiety", or transphobes hiding their hatred behind a claim they're protecting children. Or another way they do this, especially in direct arguments, is Sealioning https://www.merriam-webster.com/words-at-play/sealioning-internet-trolling

You've got to be clued in and familiar with their talking points and the angles they take and it changes constantly. But in the end, like I say, you've got to go on vibes some time and not be afraid to just give someone the boot if they fail your own vibe check standards.

Mark 7/4/2023, 4:26:53 PM

MrTomFTW

And your use of the word “detect” does suggest you’re looking for a way to algorithmically detect it or something

Not necessarily - objective measures are great, but (IMO) you need the human touch too.

Dave 7/4/2023, 10:10:13 AM

My approach is just not to take part in the first place and be a reader only, I suspect that is what the majority do to avoid the conflict and petty arguments that somehow develop about inconsequential subjects.

I am taking part on here as it's new and exciting being part of something from the start and I'm hoping it end ups being a decent place to hang out and source of info. I don't plan on taking part in anything remotely controversial but when the inevitable happens I just plan on clicking that respect button and not replying any further about it.

Craig 7/4/2023, 10:32:34 AM

95% of the time I will show my wife the post and ask what they think. That way I can have an actual debate with someone whose views I actually respect.

5% of the time I'll call them a virgin and then log off for the night.

Can't be perfect every time, we're all human.

Philip 7/4/2023, 8:33:36 PM

I'll listen and try to understand, but if I share my thoughts and they aren't being taken seriously, I'll stop investing in the conversation and walk away.

Mark 7/5/2023, 11:16:14 AM

That's all useful stuff - disagreements may be inevitable, but I believe we can do things differently on Just About and avoid the toxicity.

Ric Lumb 7/5/2023, 2:21:35 PM

I'm pretty good at de-esculating things but sometimes you can just tell when people are trolling and they get the insta-block! It's just not worth the time.