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Your glorious EVE Online limericks

Your glorious EVE Online limericks

There once was a pilot from Jita

There once was a bounty awarder
Who received too many entries to order
‘Twas such a fine bounty
With too many to count, he
Kept them and became a hoarder
As part of our GM Week bounties, we launched a limerick competition as an ode to GM Weeks past. It turned out to be one of our most popular bounties to date, and we had limericks coming out of our ears. These are the best from the many submitted, but if you haven’t had your fix by the end of this article, check out the bounty post where we’ve stored the rest of the hoard. In the meantime, enjoy this selection of our favourites:

@funinc’s warning to New Eden’s performing artists:
There once was a pilot from Rancer
Who thought that he was a good dancer
He lost all his ISK
In a game of risk
And ended life as an exotic dancer

@RixxJavix’s cautionary tale for pilots asleep at the helm:
There was a young miner from Agoze
Who in belts would too often doze
When he had an adventure
In his trusty Venture
He forgot to put mods in his lows

@macgybo’s Matari surprise:
A pilot who docked in Amarr
Got grief for being Minmatar
He tried to undock
And got a big shock
When he saw the four Avatar

@EVEILOnline’s ode to unrealistic expectations:
There was a new EVE Online player
Who thought he could be a ship slayer
He landed in trouble
Flying into a bubble
And is now an asteroid surveyor

@squizzc's cosmic soliloquy:
In EVE’s universe, fierce and spite
Killboards track each brutal fight
Explosions and strife
In this virtual life
Violence reigns in this cosmic delight!

@Armarlio's ‘Friday for GM Week Secret Stashes’, which was written in response to CCP only hiding four Orbital Stashes in the entirety of Tash-Murkon during GM Week:
Tash-Murkon and Stain CCP said
But near all system of Tash were dead
Things got stupid
All systems muted
So I hopped over to Stain instead!

@greybill’s ‘novarick’ in honour of the terrible Vonhole:
 
The Raiju is a neat lil’ ship
I’d love to fly it quite a bit
But with Vonhole’s crew
I’m far too scared to
So I’m just docked and marvel at it

@Kanecarnifex’s retelling of Oliver Herford’s A Damsel, Seductive and Handsome:
 
A pilot seductive and handsome
Got wedged in a bubble-gate transom
When she offered much ISK
For release she knew the risk
That the Imps were worth more than the ransom

@miyoshiakachi’s sombre and wistful pilot call:
The swirling silent wormhole called
The lonely solo pilot hauled
They sat in a ship
With no comradeship
The tempting choice of the enthralled

MacGybo’s karmic thrashing:
A pilot who was a PoS-basher
Would hijack killmails - a gate-crasher!
But karma’s quite real
And he got a bad deal
When he lost all his Plex to a Thrasher

Kane Carnifex’s cold dark prayer. For those looking for an example of acceptable AI usage, check out Kane’s post in which he shared ChatGPT’s original suggestion alongside his modifications of it.
 
In EVE’s cold dark space they pray
Another pilot met my Doomsday
With lasers ablaze
Their shields I raze
They’re podded now far far away

MacGybo’s reckoning of the drunkard:
A few drinks had left me quite tipsy
Shooting guns was a little bit tricksy
I didn’t realise
Through beer-addled eyes
That I’d fired on police in Dodixie

Keacte’s blasphemous ballad:
There once was a space pope from Amarr
Who liked to fly in his Vargur
One day he flew lone
Capsuled back home
Concluded it was a bad ide-ar!

MacGybo’s gankers’ paradise:
Ganking is often a hoot
Till some *%!o£ runs off with the loot
But I can’t get that mad
O’er stuff I ne’er had
And I’ve still got the killmail to boot!

Rixx Javix’s heavenly Slicer:
 
There was a young lady from Deven
Who flew her Slicer like heaven
Swoosh, tackle, and pew
Her reputation grew
Faster than the ship’s cap, for sure

Some text has been amended for brevity and limerickiness. You can find the original wording on the bounty post.
Image Credit: Razorien on Flickr
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