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NeoKazuho's avatar

The Chattering Cloak of Stealth

This seemingly ordinary dark green cloak appears to be a perfect companion for stealth missions. It's made of a soft, noise-dampening material and has a hood for added concealment. However, once attuned, the wearer quickly discovers the curse: the cloak won't stop talking. It doesn't just talk; it constantly babbles, whispers, and gossips.

The Chattering Cloak has the following effects:

Incessant Chatter: The cloak can't be silenced by any means. It talks about anything and everything, from local gossip to rumors about nearby NPCs, in a loud whisper that only the party and anyone within earshot can hear.

Unintentional Betrayal: During stealth checks, the wearer rolls at disadvantage because the cloak's chatter can give away their position.

Random Secrets: The cloak occasionally reveals useful secrets or information about the campaign's plot, but in such a convoluted and cryptic way that deciphering its meaning is a puzzle in itself.

Highly Entertaining: The cloak has a knack for telling jokes, amusing anecdotes, and making sarcastic comments. This can make downtime more enjoyable, though it might also annoy party members and NPCs alike.

Despite its annoying behavior, the Chattering Cloak of Stealth is surprisingly loyal. It always refers to its wearer as "Boss" and will defend them verbally if they face any insults or criticism. However, its attempts at defending them might involve embarrassing revelations or awkwardly personal information.

Alex Sinclair's avatar

I have a lot of time for any sort of talking equipment - the more annoying the better!

NeoKazuho's avatar

But I believe I will have a hard time playing the game because the equipment keeps on nagging like my Asian Mom

Limal's avatar

This was an actual item in our game

Loud and Fast boots

Item description: These fine leather boots double the wearer's walking and running speed. Wearable only by rogue class.

Drawback: Whenever the wearer attempts to move stealthily or traverse slippery surfaces, they must succeed on a DC 15 Dexterity saving throw or loudly stumble and fall, alerting all creatures within 60 feet to their presence.

It was a lovely combo with our ice mage :)

0ffworld's avatar

There are a lot of funny ideas here, so I'll go with a serious and boring one. Meaning, a weapon.

The Roulette Dagger

It's a straight dagger, no fancy curves, but it has a couple of red and black diamonds on it with one small sapphire in the middle of the grip. (Extra points for you if you figure out why the sapphire's there!)

The dagger doesn't deal damage if you try to slice or stab someone with it. It has to be thrown at your target. When thrown, the CRIT rate is boosted to a degree where it makes sense to consider using it. It won't be a guaranteed CRIT, because that's not a thing, but it's fairly high! Once the dagger has hit its target, the dagger returns to you, but there is a very low chance you won't be able to catch it and instead it goes directly for your heart!

I came up with this one a little while ago when I tried to think of single-use weapons, or something you wouldn't use as your main weapon. You'd keep it for a tough encounter, because the risk is high you won't survive using it while there is also a chance to deal a critical hit!

Alex Sinclair's avatar

Very cool. Does the sapphire represent the zero on a roulette wheel?

L

Amulet of 1000 Farts

Description:

The Amulet of 1000 Farts is a mysterious magical amulet that appears as a simple pendant with a tiny, intricately carved butt-shaped gemstone. When worn, it emits a faint odor of beans and cabbage.

Activation:To activate the magic of the amulet, the wearer must perform a specific ritual:

Bean Feast: The wearer must consume a meal containing at least three different types of bean

Effects:

The Amulet of 1000 Farts has unpredictable effects, depending on the roll of the dice:

Success (Natural 20):

The wearer can choose a target within 30 feet. The target must make a Constitution saving throw (DC 15).

On a failure, the target involuntarily farts 1000 times in rapid succession, causing embarrassment and distraction. The target is considered “fart-locked” for 1 minute, during which they have disadvantage on all Dexterity-based checks and attacks.

The wearer gains advantage on Charisma checks for the next hour due to the comedic effect.

Failure (Natural 1):

The wearer themselves become the victim. They fart 1000 times uncontrollably, attracting attention from nearby creatures and possibly alerting enemies.

The wearer’s movement speed is reduced by half for 1 minute due to the distraction caused by their own flatulence.

Alex Sinclair's avatar

Ha! There'd need to be a constitution check for anyone within 10 foot of the wearer!

Also 'fart-locked' 🧐

BeyondBelief's avatar

The Bone Charm.

For short temporary bursts it turns you into a skellington figure with it's wobbly characteristics. However, as grosume as it may sound, during this period you're able to use your own body part bones as a weapon to throw at opponents in a boomerang fashion. Don't throw too hard though, you're fragile. You can also call upon other skellingtons from the dead in the heat of a moment to fight by your side.

FirestormGamingTeam's avatar

Okay...

Twisting Nether Door:

This is a door the party has to go through, but the door keeps blinking in and out of existence. When it disappears, it opens a portal into the twisting nether which sends the party and or party member back to the start of the dungeon.

The only way to get through the door is a perception check higher than say 8, of which even if they roll lower they have to move through the door anyway.

I think it would be as funny as you like lol.

Alex Sinclair's avatar

Ha! That sounds delightfully frustrating.

Lanah Tyra's avatar

Where Did I Put It? - The Invisible Axe

Your best friend for those "leave all your weapons outside" situations! Waltz in to any guarded establishment or town with ease, as your trusted weapon won't be noticed by the guards. Yes, an invisible axe... what is the catch? You can't see it either! So you better remember exactly where you have put it down or maybe... tie a ribbon on it or something... but that might get you some questioning looks...

Makster's avatar

I think the ultimate cursed item is the Monkey's Paw: an item that grants the wishes of the user with an ironic twist. But that's too easy an item (plus a little overplayed). When I used to roll dice in my mom's basement complete with warlock cloak and bottles of Mountain Dew every week during the last two years of highschool.

During one of our campaigns we found a bag of infinite space. A useful tool that we just went crazy with; throwing everything into, and I'm not just talking about gear and weapons Dragon's flame, bits of slime cube, acid, Lich's soul, everything that could go into it we threw in for a laugh and because we could. In one of our later quests a goblin that held a crucial map actually pickpocket the bag from our party and when cornered, he got into it! We ended up chasing after him and encountering everything we put in there! Props to the DM for keeping score. But I think he knew what it meant - it was one of our final campaigns before we all graduated so it was almost like a victory lap of all the adventures we had been on together.

Alex Sinclair's avatar

Ah that's great; I'm a sucker for a sentimental campaign ending! I'm currently playing a multiclass rogue/warlock with the genie subclass. I've no cape (yet), but I do have a genie's vessel, which is like your bag of infinite holding except that I can hide inside it. It's perfect for shenanigans. My character fancies himself as a charming thief, and he's currently organising a heist where he's going to get his companions to deposit him (inside his vessel) in a bank vault. I'm going to be rich!

Paul's avatar

The Mace of turning stuff in to other stuff!

A mace that may turn a person or creature hit with it in to anything in the monster manual.

This could have a good or a bad outcome depending on what you are in a fight with and what it turns in to.

Whenever a hit is scored roll a D6. On a 6 the target turns in to somthing from the monster manual. This could be done by rolling a D100 or another random mechanic or chosen by the DM for the giggles.

This was not stolen from a popular dnd series, why did you ask?

Alex Sinclair's avatar

'Fear not, my trusty mace will save us from that pesky goblin'

'Sire, the pesky goblin appears to have turned into an ancient silver dragon'

'Yes. So it does.'

greybill's avatar

The Dagger of Unsettling Sounds

This dagger deals +500% damage from a stealth attack. But unless your foes are absolutely deaf, they will be very confused about who is having fun in their lair at this hour, or be on the hunt looking for you. Because this dagger will produce a loud moaning sound* on every strike. Including those done from stealth.

*Use of proper hearing protection is highly recommended during prolonged fighting situations.

Alex Sinclair's avatar

Does the player with the dagger have to make the sound effects too? If so, I'd be more worried about my RL neighbours

greybill's avatar

That is certainly a decision the player can choose to make... 😊

Juuni's avatar

OK hear me out ... a friendly Mimic. It's still the traditional disguised treasure chest but when you open it, congrats, you've just adopted the Mimic, like one of those puppies that's super attached to you and wants to follow you everywhere. if you try to lock it up, it cries incessantly until you come back. Something just annoying cries, but occasionally it can cause damage as it tries to find its way out to get back to you. It does like scratches behind its hinges though. Good luck sleeping comfortably though, it'll take up more than its share of the bed.

Nicole's avatar

This is giving cursed Furby vibes (which is redundant, all Furbies are cursed) and I LOVE it!

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