Think up an idea for a funny cursed item for a D&D campaign for $3!

The Chattering Cloak of Stealth

This seemingly ordinary dark green cloak appears to be a perfect companion for stealth missions. It's made of a soft, noise-dampening material and has a hood for added concealment. However, once attuned, the wearer quickly discovers the curse: the cloak won't stop talking. It doesn't just talk; it constantly babbles, whispers, and gossips.

The Chattering Cloak has the following effects:

Incessant Chatter: The cloak can't be silenced by any means. It talks about anything and everything, from local gossip to rumors about nearby NPCs, in a loud whisper that only the party and anyone within earshot can hear.

Unintentional Betrayal: During stealth checks, the wearer rolls at disadvantage because the cloak's chatter can give away their position.

Random Secrets: The cloak occasionally reveals useful secrets or information about the campaign's plot, but in such a convoluted and cryptic way that deciphering its meaning is a puzzle in itself.

Highly Entertaining: The cloak has a knack for telling jokes, amusing anecdotes, and making sarcastic comments. This can make downtime more enjoyable, though it might also annoy party members and NPCs alike.

Despite its annoying behavior, the Chattering Cloak of Stealth is surprisingly loyal. It always refers to its wearer as "Boss" and will defend them verbally if they face any insults or criticism. However, its attempts at defending them might involve embarrassing revelations or awkwardly personal information.

This was an actual item in our game

Loud and Fast boots

Item description: These fine leather boots double the wearer's walking and running speed. Wearable only by rogue class.

Drawback: Whenever the wearer attempts to move stealthily or traverse slippery surfaces, they must succeed on a DC 15 Dexterity saving throw or loudly stumble and fall, alerting all creatures within 60 feet to their presence.

It was a lovely combo with our ice mage :)

There are a lot of funny ideas here, so I'll go with a serious and boring one. Meaning, a weapon.

The Roulette Dagger

It's a straight dagger, no fancy curves, but it has a couple of red and black diamonds on it with one small sapphire in the middle of the grip. (Extra points for you if you figure out why the sapphire's there!)

The dagger doesn't deal damage if you try to slice or stab someone with it. It has to be thrown at your target. When thrown, the CRIT rate is boosted to a degree where it makes sense to consider using it. It won't be a guaranteed CRIT, because that's not a thing, but it's fairly high! Once the dagger has hit its target, the dagger returns to you, but there is a very low chance you won't be able to catch it and instead it goes directly for your heart!

I came up with this one a little while ago when I tried to think of single-use weapons, or something you wouldn't use as your main weapon. You'd keep it for a tough encounter, because the risk is high you won't survive using it while there is also a chance to deal a critical hit!

Amulet of 1000 Farts

Description:

The Amulet of 1000 Farts is a mysterious magical amulet that appears as a simple pendant with a tiny, intricately carved butt-shaped gemstone. When worn, it emits a faint odor of beans and cabbage.

Activation:To activate the magic of the amulet, the wearer must perform a specific ritual:

Bean Feast: The wearer must consume a meal containing at least three different types of bean

Effects:

The Amulet of 1000 Farts has unpredictable effects, depending on the roll of the dice:

Success (Natural 20):

The wearer can choose a target within 30 feet. The target must make a Constitution saving throw (DC 15).

On a failure, the target involuntarily farts 1000 times in rapid succession, causing embarrassment and distraction. The target is considered “fart-locked” for 1 minute, during which they have disadvantage on all Dexterity-based checks and attacks.

The wearer gains advantage on Charisma checks for the next hour due to the comedic effect.

Failure (Natural 1):

The wearer themselves become the victim. They fart 1000 times uncontrollably, attracting attention from nearby creatures and possibly alerting enemies.

The wearer’s movement speed is reduced by half for 1 minute due to the distraction caused by their own flatulence.

The Bone Charm.

For short temporary bursts it turns you into a skellington figure with it's wobbly characteristics. However, as grosume as it may sound, during this period you're able to use your own body part bones as a weapon to throw at opponents in a boomerang fashion. Don't throw too hard though, you're fragile. You can also call upon other skellingtons from the dead in the heat of a moment to fight by your side.