Dungeons & Dragons is a game about cooperation, problem-solving, and shared storytelling with the power to forge lifelong bonds through adventures in the theatre of imagination. And yet it’s also about annoying the heck out of your best friends and messing with people in delightfully creative ways.
NPCs (Non-Player Characters) are one of the greatest tools in any DM’s saddlebag, but especially a mischievous DM. To better help such tabletop tricksters irritate their players, we put it to our gaming community to invent the most troublemaking and annoying NPCs that they could. Below, you’ll find the ten winning ideas, each of them frustrating enough to leave your party wanting to dive headfirst into a gelatinous cube.
Vultur the Glory Vulture
We can picture it now: you’re headed back to Neverwinter bloodied and battered, the lich’s skull swinging from your dislocated hip. Despite your hardships, it’ll all be worth it when you return to the arcane tower to retrieve your reward. ‘Caw caw!’ ‘What’s that? Why’s it flying to the top of the tower? No! Not again!’
Brooklyn Nine-Nine fans will know exactly where Damien Mason drew inspiration from for his suggestion, Vultur:
“An Aarakocra with vulture-like features, he’s inspired by The Vulture from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. He quite literally swoops in to take credit for your quests, reaping all the rewards and glory that rightfully belong to you. Nothing you can do discredits or dissuades him, because he has no shame. Plot armour afforded by his celebrity status means he’s exceptionally difficult to challenge, and killing him would only make the townspeople hate you - removing any chance for further quests.”
One thing’s certain, your party’s wizard will be adding ‘earthbind’ to their list of prepared spells.
Damien is new to D&D, but his devilish suggestion left our community reeling with comments like Horror and Cats’ “Dang…that’s incredible!” or greybill’s “That sounds like a measure for when the dungeon master really starts to hate their players.”
Love Fairy Lula
Your barbarian knuckles whiten as your grip tightens on your greataxe’s hilt. You spit blood, and snarl towards the encroaching hordes. And then: ‘Mwah, mwah, mwah! Well hey there, Cherry Pie! Are you in the mood for love? It’s me, Lula, your favourite love fairy!’
“Your character probably isn’t that interested in finding love. They’d rather be making money completing quests, becoming monarch of the realm, or taking over the world. Regardless, Lula is here to ‘help’ you meet your one true love, and she won’t stop until she does. Imagine an angel on your shoulder or Cupid popping up in every scenario, insisting that you change course and ‘get yourself out there!’
“She’ll follow you around on your adventures, making corny jokes, blowing bouncing love hearts in your direction, and doing anything and everything to convince you to make different life choices. She’d be the biggest embarrassment to your hearty, well-built manly man.”
Grimble the Over-Explainer
Your annoying friend who mansplains your own career to you doesn’t have anything on Grimble, “a wiry old wizard who can’t resist explaining every magical detail, historical reference, or arcane theory”.
“Evenings are at risk of being lost to rambling stories that turn into more stories and endless anecdotes. And as this wizard has lived for hundreds of years, he has many stories to tell. Grimble has a knack of waiting for critical moments like time-sensitive puzzles or dragon attacks, whereupon he will launch into a lengthy monologue often beginning with: ‘the interesting thing about that is…’”
Players may well roll their eyes, but who could interrupt such a sweet old man. There is, however, a chance that Grimble could backfire on your annoying DM-ing strategy if players decide to call your bluff: ‘Oh, so you want to tell us about the three-hundred year history of winemaking in the region? Go on then, Grimble, don't spare a single detail.’
Catherine Kittisnot
A typical D&D party doesn’t look a giftcat in the mouth, but in the case of Lanah Tyra’s purrfectly devious NPC idea, a closer inspection would be time well spent.
“A black cat joins the party as a familiar. During the day, she sleeps in someone’s bag and gets carried around, but as soon as you get into a situation requiring stealth, she’ll wake up, meow, and start doing figures of eight around players’ legs. What’s worse, come nightfall, she’ll always take a bed for herself after tucking into the party’s precious rations.
“Sure, you can try to get rid of her, but she’ll always reappear at the next crossroads, purring away like nothing’s happened. Eventually, players will discover that she is the wizard you’ve been searching for all along, and it was all a ruse to discern if you were worthy of her company. So let’s hope you didn’t accidentally step on her tail, rudely kick her off your bed, or skimp on the premium cat food.”
The Conniving Brothers
“Buy one, get one deceit” is the tagline of Sturmer’s double trouble NPCs. First, there’s Gerrick, a charming and persuasive quest giver. Next, there’s Merrick, a shopkeeper stocked with overpriced curiosities essential for completing those quests. Do you see where we’re going with this? Here’s Sturmer’s:
“The adventurers first meet Gerrick in a bustling town square, where he passionately describes a lost relic in need of recovery. He’s dramatic, persuasive, and keen to mention that this particular item will bring great fortune. However, he warns that it’s guarded by a creature susceptible only to a rare potion.
“This leads them to Merrick’s shop, who just happens to have the very last bottle of said curious brew. Having acquired the potion, they soon find that Gerrick has changed his mind. He’s since ‘discovered’ that the relic is cursed and no longer wants it, leaving the party out of pocket with only an overpriced bottle of brown liquid to show for their troubles.”
CPN - ‘The Opposite NPC’
EveOnlineTutorials’ annoying NPC will have your players cursing him. But you’ve got to forgive him for he too is cursed, and he really only wants to help. CPN was cursed by a magical witch after he spurned her advances. As a result, he can only ever say the opposite of what he means to say:
“He cannot help but cannot but try to help. He has what you need but not what you asked for. He cannot give directions but he can mislead.”
Terry Fie the Timorous
Sometimes the most effective ideas are the simplest ones. TheGreatestBanana12’s frustrating NPC doesn’t need witches’ curses nor wizards’ tricks. He’s just a bit afraid… of everything.
“Poor Terry Fie always needs escorting and he always needs help. He’s terrified of everything, up to and including his own shadow. This leads him to scream in terror at the most inconvenient of times. Simple tasks become difficult and discretion becomes a pipe dream.”
So what’s a party to do about Terry Fie? You can’t hide him away; he’s afraid of the dark. You can’t silence him, he panics in quiet moments. And you certainly can’t abandon him, he freaks out if left alone.
Justin Jest
Paul’s non-player character is a jester, though your party might not find him particularly amusing. He has boundless energy and boundless bad jokes to match. He always turns up at inconvenient moments, and much like Terry Fie, is always in need of escorting.
“Justin can’t be ignored. He always has a knack of getting hold of the macguffin that party members require. Justin likes to talk. He likes to rhyme. And he likes to interrupt. On top of that, his colourful bell-covered outfit throws discretion out of the window. Having been kicked out of every troupe he’s ever joined - for undisclosed reasons - Justin wanders the land, aiming to brighten the days of tired adventurers while dodging the daggers of disgruntled ones.”
The Other Guys
Do you remember the scene from Shaun of the Dead where the gang run into an equivalent group of survivors, only they’re all slightly more famous actors?
That’s the idea behind Makster’s party of rivals:“I’ve been playing with the idea of a rival adventuring party that follows the main party in parallel. They’re either given the same quests or they’re tasked by the story’s antagonist to impede the main party at every turn. And they’re always a step ahead - provoking local wildlife to attack or felling trees to force the party’s wagon through dangerous detours.”
The rivalry, Makster suggests, should start friendly before becoming deep-seated and personal, perhaps by revealing personal, backstory-based grievances; you’ll never guess who got that apprenticeship your sorcerer is still bitter about losing. Makster also recommends that after repeat encounters, the two duelling parties end up cooperating. That is until the party of nemeses ultimately betrays the main party at the last minute. We are talking annoying NPCs after all.
Mr Nails Chalkboard
For this final NPC, invented by Asim, you’re going to need the most ear-piercing, grating voice that you can muster.
“The most annoying NPC? Why, it’s got to be Mr Nails Chalkboard. Every time someone interacts with him, he’ll ask them to repeat themselves multiple times. What’s more, he’ll constantly interrupt with a voice as painful as his namesake.”
“Whenever you’re handing in a quest, he’ll constantly ask why you’re bothering, why you failed to solve riddles, why you missed out on the best loot, and why you bothered scaling the castle when the backdoor was obviously unlocked. He’s your nagging parent but ten times worse. You’ll constantly hear about everything you’ve done wrong, but don’t expect to hear any thanks for helping him out. He never needed you anyway…”
Do you think you have an idea for an even more hair-pullingly annoying Dungeons and Dragons NPC? Share it in the comments below! Some text has been amended for brevity. You can find the original wording at the bounty post.
Image credit, top to bottom: Amandine BATAILLE ,Anthony Tran, barskefranck, Hannah Troupe, Amandine BATAILLE, petr sidorov, Marek Piwnicki, tom1068, Scott May.
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