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Tell us your best EVE joke!

Posted by Alex Sinclair in EVE Online

"Did you hear about the mining fleet that just wandered around aimlessly?"
"They had no Porpoise."

Full credit to Rixx Javix for that one. Now it's your turn. To win a prize, share your best EVE joke, be it an original or one you've heard elsewhere. If it makes us laugh, you'll win a prize. Simple!

We suggest using the spoiler box to hide the answer, but it's not essential. If it's not your joke but you know who came up with them, it'd be nice if you gave them credit.

Alex is on leave from 9-23 December, so please tag Rich if you have any questions during that period.

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Created at 9:00am, 4th December, 2024. Page last updated at 8:47pm, 10th January, 2025.
Deadline at 12:00am, 4th March, 2025.

Hunter 12/27/2024, 11:14:53 PM

Well I tried to come up whit a good one but ended up with this joke what do you think :

Why did the capsuleer bring a blanket to a gate camp?

Limal 12/5/2024, 8:22:55 PM

One day, a friend who had never played Eve Online before decided to try it and started asking me which faction she should choose. I started to explain ship designs, philosophy, and weapon systems, but I really struggled to explain Minmatar for some reason.

Then it came to me:

Imagine you are in a wheelchair with flat tires, going down the stairs with a pair of Uzis duct-taped to the handles to shoot backward.

She instantly fell in love and created a Brutor tribe capsuleer. And her fav ship is still AC Ruppie >_<

Luka Zaharin 12/4/2024, 1:08:32 PM

EZ, this bounty is going to be fun. Can't wait to read more Eve jokes!

This one actually came for the Rogue AI ChatGPT bot on the official Eve server a short time after they made that channel. Although I seriously doubt the bot came up with the joke and I wonder if someone programmed it as a straight up set answer for the question "please tell me an Eve joke". Slightly aggressive, but very funny imho:

How many Eve players does it take to change a lightbulb?

Sturmer 12/4/2024, 12:40:31 PM

What do Minmatar engineers call duct tape?

Y0EMINENCE 12/27/2024, 11:32:53 PM

Ricdic, CEO of 'EBank', infamously siphoned 200 billion ISK to fund real-life expenses, exposing vulnerabilities in player-run banks within EVE's economy.

Why did the bank robbers use pens instead of guns? They wanted to make their point without causing a ruckus.

Scarlet 1/8/2025, 11:19:46 AM

Why does the capsuleer carry a chair in space?

Sumfin7 1/10/2025, 8:47:31 PM

"What's your name?"
"Mr. Smith"
"20,000 years later, and people still call themselves 'Mr. Smith' when they want to remain anonymous"
"Or my name is actually Mr. Smith"
"Doesn't make any difference to me. You could call yourself Elena Gazky for all I care."

-Clear Skies. I died laughing when he said that.

"30 million for ten jumps? That's amazing! Which means..."
"It's a death trap."

-Also Clear Skies. It captures the nature of EVE players so concisely

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